A lot has happened..

13 December it was the last time I wrote down a blog article. Now its almost new year! We had christmas at my aunts and of course a lot of wonderful food! Well see the pictures for yourself! Then the next day we went to some friends and had a lot of nice food there too haha. We laughed a lot and the whine was great hahaha.
Then Tuesday I went bowling with some friends, and it was very nice seeing them again!
Wednesday I had the party of a old friend and it was so much fun! Met some nice guys, had a sleepover at T's place hihi. It was very nice talking to him. But we went to bed around 7 and woke up around 10... So tired now!

The body of nature.

Im so happy right now! Woke up early, before my alarm went off. I made breakfast and did my little work-out. Took the shower and continued my ' Sinterklaas' surprise. I think it will be just fine when I finish it haha. Then it was late already and time to go to Manuel's home. We planned a photoshoot. And the outcomes are GREAT. Can't say it any other way. Well just see for yourself!

Sick..

Pff almost sick for a week! To long! Well I kinda could do some stuff at home.. But every time I wake up early I have a long breakfast, start with watching some stuff on my laptop and then it seems to be half past 12 already, I put some clothes on and look around in my room. A mess.. Not just a little, a lot of mess! hahaha I see my camera lying in the corner of my room and realize I have to make one more low key picture, first do that. Didn't really worked out. I made a mess of my room more than it already was and realize now I really have to clean it. Otherwise I can't even get in to bed at night. Well just got downstairs, did the dishes and now Im sitting on the couch. Just made a drawing. And think I'll make some more! hihi.

oohh Happy day!

I woke up, the subway as delayed, so I walked to the next station.. But got a bit late in drawing class. We had a model, naked. And she posed. My drawings where quite good and I was proud of myself. But then the teacher suddenly stood by me and said.. you know Rembrandt drew just like you are doing now? I was very proud hahaha. And then we had the other class and we had to search for high and low key pictures.. And he stood behind me. He said ok these are nice ones, I told him.. yeah I made these a while ago.. He suddenly was quiet and said.. " You made them?! So you can make this sort of work?! Why don't you show me more?!' hahaha It made me more happy than I was..
Then I got home trained my kids ate something home and went back to the place because I had training, my first one since a while.. Loved it! The coach is nice, kinda funny too, the other team mates are nice. And I can run around and just sweat again! I missed it I really did! hahaha. And Sunday we have a game again.. And the coach told me I had to be the pointer guard.. the one that dribbles the most and the one who has to score the most. Awesome right?! hahahaa Basketballll! Here I am again! Love it!

Schooltime.

No playtime, just school. I could have gone to Maria mena this evening but my stupid nose is still dripping. So if I would go I would be more sick than I am now.. Ah well. Maybe it's better this way, I will be at every class and won't skip some. And I will be in bed earlier so I can rest a bit more. And then tuesday I'll visit the doctor again. Hopefully it's nothing serious. But on the other hand I just want to know what it is that's making me this shaky.
By the way my room looks like there have been a robbery.. Stuff everywhere, clothes, food, scarfs, camera's.. hahaha Still have to clean it. Think I'll do that tomorrow. I will! By the way on the image there's the cage of Goldie but he recently died. So no more Goldie..

Crazy right?

Today when I took the subway home it was already full of people, so I had to push myself in there. Secretly I laugh when I am pushed against the doors or other people in the subway. Everybody looks so grumpy, just as if they hate everyone who touches them when the subway stops and goes again. Some stumble and fall over the little feet of others. It makes me laugh. What must they think of me, standing there. Laughing and looking all happy.. Even when somebody farted and a huge smell has filled the stuffed subway. They must have thought I was the guilty one.. hahahaha. Ah well, they will forget it when they enter there warm homes. Then the smell of the ' lost' fart is gone and they only think of getting there feet up or starting with there dinner. For me the dinner is almost ready, lovely spaghetti a la elena. I love it! hihi

Hoping for a new start.

Seeing myself again, doing what I want to do... That's what's in my mind these days. Am I really doing what I like to do? Am I really who I want to be? Questions, questions. But I do know I like to make photo's and this girl Jeanique Kats knows it too. I've read her blog and have seen her pictures. She started as an amateur but is a real photographer now. Her 365 days of pictures are good, I will start mine when I turn 19. I think it's good for me to start a sort of project, so I push myself to make a picture every day. Today i woke up kinda early and had some plans, but you know me and plans. Never gonna happen.. I cleaned my room, but now it's more a mess than it was. But! I worked on my Facebook page and photoshopped some pictures. At first I never thought I would photoshop, most of the time it's overdone. But I see that some pictures just need that extra touch. And of course it's always good to know how it works.
So, here I am, sitting behind my laptop, looking over it and seeing all the mess I made. It will clean itself right? NO it won't...
I know, but I have to go train my kids now! Oh and saturday I'll finally have a groups picture of the team and myself! I'll put it on my blog!

Twins twins twins..

Friday was our talking-group night, we planned to go out but we decided to stay at Joelle's home. It was very nice to see each other again! Again we laughed, ate and drank.. Inge and I bought a bottle of Cosmopolitan, but I can tell you.. Don't buy it! It's the same as Coebergh but than a bit more expensive. Then saturday I had to coach my team again, we lost. But it was a good game. I was proud of my team haha. When I got home I just got a few minutes to relax before I opened the frozen food box.. My parents forgot to get it out on time, so the food was to frozen to eat. I grabbed the fries and filled my belly. And after that I was on my way to "het lezersfeest' in the library of Rotterdam. Here where writers, singers and songwriters and some comedians. It was very nice to be here! My mom and I enjoyed it a lot and also bought some books.
Sunday I had to get up early again, had to work behind the bar. It wasn't to bad the people where nice this time haha. Then I came home and called the twin that was on my planning to photograph, she did not respond so I called again. Then I decided to visit the other twins, but I suddenly saw where they lived.. Not really near by. So I cancelled that one. My dad did not wanted to drive me and by train it wasn't possible.. Then I went to Manuel and here are the results. I think the teacher will see they are not all twins. But well I just made the wrong decision to do twins, hard to find, hard to plan..

because I had a bad day.

Why does this happen to me? Ok let's start with the serious stuff. A half year ago I started to get shaking hands while playing basketball, I thought it was because of the high adrenaline level, but mom told me to see the doctor. Just to be sure. He told me it would just go away itself and that I would not have it longer than some months. But it didn't and it got worse. I even got it when I get up out of bed, (so no adrenaline) when I ride my bike, before dinner, after dinner, in bed. It's just random, so it seems. So I called the doctor and went today. She asked me some things and listened to my heart rhythm. She said or I had something with my heart or it is something with my thyroid. Both aren't really nice things.. She told me to give some blood for research. Because giving the medication for my heart could be wrong, when it's not that condition. This was also the first time I gave some blood, and I was on my own so I was a bit scared. Luckily there was a men and he was very calm while they took his blood. It made me calm too. And it actually wasn't that scary. Just felt a bit weird. The plaster hurt me more haha. When I took it off i also took a lot of arm hairs with it haha.
Then bad thing two. I'm not very happy at school, you guys know that. Some issues. But today the teachers where coming together and they have put a little text on my profile, and I've read it. It's not really good..
They think I'm not really a student, that I'm not interested in the lessons and that I'm not really interested in Photography..
Well I agree with them on some things but I am interested in Photography and I do pay attention. But I'm just not myself, my creativity is gone. I really need to have it back. Otherwise I really need to find another school. Ah well..
Hope it will all work out..
Here are some twin pictures..

Dinner and sangria.

This weekend was awesome. Saturday I coached my brothers team, we where there at 6 but because the other team wasn't ready yet we started at 7! Unbelievable. But his team is really nice, they all listened when I said something. They where with 7 and I pointed out 5 players who would start the game. The first two parts where quite good, but the referee gave us so much downsides. That I had to change the players in the field so I could change them back later on. But the people who had to write down the points where sometimes wrong so I wrote down the points too. But because they wrote some false points down, I could not prove they where wrong. I can't believe why someone would cheat, when they where on the winning side. But that's me. I don't play to win, I play for the fun. Because my team fought. They played together and they where just disappointed about the referee. Which I understand. It just was a game we where meant to loose. But! later on in the evening I planned a movie night with a friend of mine. We drove by with the car after the game but then I could nog get home so I watched his house when we passed by. And jumped on my bike to get to it. Music made me go fast and when I got there I jumped on him and gave him a big hugg. I like giving hugs. Then we watched The Shining and after that the planet of the apes. Don't know what it is though. But boys always poke me! What is that! hahaha. Of course I poke them back. But still they always do that, Even when I barely know them!
Ok today my parents planned a dinner, because tomorrow they will be married for 19 years! We ate at Popocatepetl in Rotterdam. Lovely place, lovely food! My belly is all stuffed with food and the dessert was the last thing I could put in there hahaha.

A week ago

Wow, didn't know I had written so little this week! Last time was sunday! Sorry guys. Well school was ok this week, some teachers where sick this week so less time to be at school. Oh monday really sucked. My class started half past 1 but because the teacher was busy with the other class we had to wait for another half an hour. But when my class came back again, she still needed another half an hour. Then it was our time to do presentations, but my class has 15 students. And because we started an hour later we had to rush a little, but the teacher was already grumpy so when it turned half past 4 she wanted to eat. But I didn't have pocket money so I had nothing to eat. Then it turned 5 o' clock and suddenly the teacher became all mad and said:' I don't want to teach any more today so go away!'. So there I was, sitting there without having any food in my stomach. So I became a bit cranky too. Unbelievable right?! How can teachers be so.. unreliable. It really made me think about the school I'm at and if I really belong here. Soon I will visit the other art academics. HKU and KABK are on my list. And maybe I will change of school. But that's a matter I will discuss later. Tomorrow I will coach my brothers team, let's see what that will bring. haha. And after that I have a halloween party. A lot to do!

Where to start..

So many things happened.. At first my parents where angry at me because I didn't told them at what time I would be home, and I got home at 2. Then I had some talks with my dad, and my mom as well. It's not that I don't love them, it's that they have lived in a different situation. Now people of my age work till 12 in the night. So they have money and go to school. Times have changed. My parents only planned stuff in the weekends, but now people work late, and after that they want to sit a while. I have so called jobs. I babysit once in a while, I am a coach of a basketball team now and I receive money for that and I deliver flyers to houses. It seems a lot, but It's ok. I don't always have to babysit, and my flyer work is done within one hour. But I do need money, so it al together is just fine to me. I like doing my jobs. Maybe a bit more than doing my homework for school. About school. I was a bit frustrated that my parents did not even ask me what I thought about school. But I said to myself, most of the time I'm talking. So it's usual they don't ask me much. And It's just my first year, so my teachers will have to know me more, and I will have to know them. It will all work out. I had so much fun last wednesday! I went to a classmate, because we planned a shoot for Floris van Bommel shoes. Don't know if you know them..? But they are so expensive! But well the teacher said we would have bonus points for having the real shoes, so my classmate Zef, went to the shop and asked if we could borrow the shoes for one day. We could! But of course we didn't tell the shop owner we where planning to jump with the shoes, or even wear them. But the result is awesome! Look:
These pictures are made by me and him! The picture with only the shoes is our contention picture and the other one is our lifestyle picture.

To my opinion it all worked out this time with the shoot, we worked hard to get what we wanted, but the result is awesome! Just how we pictured it in our minds! And trust me that almost never happens..
Then Friday, I trained my kids again, it was a nice training. We played a game and just had fun. A sport has to be fun, to my opinion. Then I rushed home because me, my dad, my brother and a friend of his started a game of RISK but we didn't finished it yet. So we played a bit when I got back. We still couldn't finish it because I went to Joelle and Jess with Inge. We went to a bar and had such a good time. Talked a LOT, and of course we laughed a lot too. hahaha. As always. I love my friends. We sort of agreed to a weekly talking session on friday night. To see each other and have fun. Good idea right?!
In the morning when I woke up I went to the train station, but when I got there I noticed my bankcard wasn't in my wallet! So I took the train home and searched for my bankcard. I found it but I was a bit irritated, because I slept a bit and my parents kept asking me those questions while I was looking for my lost card. Eventually I found it and took the train to Leiden Central. Here I called my friend, but he overslept himself so he had to hurry to pick me up. It took a while and he suddenly called me to say I could walk to his house. And so I did, but I thought I had never been to Leiden. So I walked the way he told me on the phone. And suddenly remembered I came here before! With school! haha So funny. And he actually lives in the neighborhood where the Lakenhal is! So funny haha. We played games and watched The Big Bang theory. hahaha So funny. Then we ate chinese food, he ordered it. And I had a good time. We can get along very well. And! he has a guitar. hahahaha always good! He even played a bit! (but not because I grabbed his guitar and demanded him to play....) hihi.
And today I woke up quite early actually and started to clean my room, because well.. When I wanted to get in bed I had to crawl and jump through stuff to get in. Then I realized I still had this blogg and I wanted to share some things. So here I am. But now I'm getting back to my room.. Otherwise I will never finish..

Take a little time..

This title is a line in the song of James Morisson- I won't let you go.
I really like this song, I always listen to the texts in songs..
Open up your heart, there's nothing I can't take... This is no time to be alone, I won't let you go...
It also reminds me of someone. I know I should let him go, so I can let in other people. But he is still special to me. I can't help it. So I think, why can't I see him? I won't do things I did before. I just need someone around me. He can offer that. So I won't let him go. haha. Also James has such a nice voice! So if you know a boy my age with his voice, please give him my email, telephone number and address! hahaha he can visit me any time! Wouldn't that be great haha.
Today was relaxed by the way, drawing art was not that good, but I managed. Then the lesson of Rick, but this time it was all okay, and we could leave earlier. Then my training. Well it was a bit messy. But everyone joined. Saturday we have a game again! Hopefully we win this one too!
And tomorrow I will go see Lucky Fonz with Inge! Awesome! hihi.

I'm a survivor..

Well heard a lot and seen a lot. But I seem to have found myself again! I want to make pictures again, and still really enjoy seeing friends. Last weekend I was at a birthday party and it was really nice, until I had to play another game. After playing 4 others.. And alone in bed I grabbed my macbook because there where some lines in my head I had to write down. After that there came more and here I had another poem again haha. Today was chill actually, first made some stupid dots, so I woke up early to finish them. Then I went to see a friend, we chatted and then I was on my way to school. The first lesson I was a bit late, because I left to late from my friends place! And on top of that, the subway had some delay.. And with my second class he said we could leave earlier! Nice, so here I am!

Here you see:

The feeling is gone,
but where is my head?
my body is walking,
there's something I said.

No one can tell me,
not even my thoughts,
was it or is he,
it's all in my heart.

My memories are leaking,
it's all just one mess,
it all seems to be,
that i'm in this stress.

Can anyone tell me,
where to begin,
was it or is he,
it's just not my thing.

Give love and let go,
it spooks through my mind,
body still missing,
and nowhere to find.

Does anyone know me?
this all seems unreal,
was it or is he,
it's something I feel.

I'm trapped in my head,
filled with desire,
give me my dreams,
and i'll take you higher.

I want you to know me,
it's all that I want,
was it or is he,
i know that I can't.

No one will know me,
it's all to complex,
please just forgive me,
I'm still not your ex.

Koln!

Yeah guys! I'm back. From a hell of a trip, and hell in the way like it was awesome and it felt like dying at the same time.. We saw so much museums that my head could not handle all the information and art. It almost exploded when I was looking at the 1001 painting. I felt it. Then I took my break and so did others. The first day, monday I woke up of the sound of my brother, he had school and said to me, while I was lying in bed, don't you have to be at school already?! My eyes where still tired from my sleep so I asked him well what time is it then?! It's 7.50. What?! Nooooo! Some angry language came out of my mouth and I asked him if he could ring the neighbors bell to ask if she could drive me there. He did and I ran downstairs with my heavy clothing bagg, my camera bagg and my other camera. She could and we drove to my school, I had to be at school at 8, but they would leave at half past 8. So I thought I could make that, we arrived at ten past 8. So I was very happy. We arrived at the hostel and I shared my room with Sabine, Tarona and Eline. 3 Wonderfull girls! We went to a Restaurant and it was very nice! After that we went to an Irish pub. Also much fun and a lot of talking. We decided to go to bed early so we went to the hostel around 12. But when we where in bed we talked till 4 so we had 3 hours left to sleep! The next day we visited 2 museums. It was nice, but I don't really remember the museums actually. What I do remember is what we all talked about. Serious stuff and funny stuff. The next evening we went to another restaurant and the food was great here also. We where with a large group and some did not wanted to sit next to each other, but it worked. After that again to the Irish pub, but this time it was a bit lame. We went home around 2 and again we talked at the hotel, this time not too long. We woke up at 7 again and where a bit lazy and tired. We saw 2 museums again.. Don't remember that eather. Then this night! The last night! We went to a sort of club, awesome music. Nice vibe. But we drank some stuff and suddenly someone said, shit the toilets aren't working. So well when people drink they have to use it, so we went to the karaoke bar and here the whole school danced and sang the song. It was really amazing haha, all those people, dancing and screaming. I love it! I think they have one in Rotterdam.. I'll search for it. I danced with some boys.. hihi. Cute ones. And then it was half past 2 again. The club closed and we went back to the hostel. Here we talked again and suddenly all fell asleep. We woke up again at 7 and packed our bags we had put them in the bus and everyone was already in the bus, everybody wanted to go home, but the planning was that we would visit 2 more museums, and one of them was in the open air! Everybody was grumpy. It rained also, so no one wanted to get off the bus. We arrived at the museum but had to walk to it, here we found out there was another way because they where rebuilding some stuff. We had to walk around it in the rain, nobody was happy.. I was, I started to jump around, sing songs and almost did the lift with a friend of mine. Some where happy because of me haha. That crazy kid jumping around while everybody looked like a grumpy old man. The museum wasn't interesting at all, and that made the moods even worse. The second museum was very big, and almost everybody stayed in the center. I saw everything, like Picasso, Salvador Dali, Gaugain, Mondriaan and more. I liked it there. I also bought 2 books of photography! They are so awesome, but also VERY heavy! Then we went back to the bus and drove home. Everybody was happy to see Rotterdam again.! Even me! The rotterdam-hater..

Nat haar, hakken en drank..

Well.. I'll explain my titel. This weekend began with friday night a little ladies night, at my place. Because my parents are away till monday night ! Inge and Zaza came to my home, we ate pizza and talked.. talked a LOT! haha well Most of the time I was talking... Sorry guys! It was very nice to see and speak to and with them again. We watched some movies and the time went by.. Then it was round one o' clock in the evening so Inge had to go, but Zaza stayed because she slept at my place. We watched one more movie and went upstairs, here we talked till 5 o' clock and fell a sleep. My eyes could not stay open any more! Then we woke up around 11 o' clock. Talked about our dreams and went downstairs to have breakfast. Zaza had singinglessons around 2 o'clock so she went home early. I was alone with my brother till half past 5 because then I had to coach my team! We lost.. Then I went home to change my clothes and to go to Lenny's birthday party! It was very hot there and I was so tired I did not even dance much! Around one Laura's dad picked us up and brought me home. Here I was to awake to go to bed so I had put on the movie Valentine's day. Stupid movie, I watched it till the end. And well the end was stupid. haha Today Consuela and Cheyenne are coming over! And tomorrow I'm on my way to Keulen! Oh Yeahhh!

Being able to think again.

My creativity is back! I want to make pictures, drawings and poems again! I feel like me again! Hihi I can't be happier.
Hmm today was actually a boring day. But to me it was very nice. My first 4 lessons where cancelled. Because my teacher was sick, but nobody told our class so everybody was at school for nothing. And going home seemed useless to me, so I sat down in the cafetaria. And at first I thought of some lines of poetry. And then I watched Into the wild again.. With David. He did not know the movie yet. So it was fun to see again. Then I went home, the sun shining and the subway fully filled with people.. Singing some songs that came into my head...

Bizzy week

Well, a lot to tell actually. Let's start with yesterday, it was an awesome day! Rick, the grumpy teacher was in a good mood, I even laughed with him.. And I made a little joke.. He is tall but just a bit taller than I am, so I said, you're small! He looked at me and said, well how tall are you then? So I told him, I'm 1.78.. Oh well.. I'm taller.. Ok haha but you still look small... But okay, we had studio lesson this time, and it was so awesome! I have some pictures of it, Sabine and Eline where in my group. We could use 3 lights. First the softbox, I knew that one, because I have one at home. Then we worked with a sort of flash and then a good mood light of some sort. I liked the ringflash the most! It's so awesome! But! then we had doca lessons, we could develop our pictures there, it was so dark! And at first my roll was not good on the other thing, so I had to do it in the dark and by hands.. Then we hang our rolls to dry and tomorrow we will make a contact sheet. But in the doca I had no service for my mobile, while I had to train my kids at 5. But at half past 4 we where deffinitely not ready yet, so I texted my team and another coach. That I could not make it and if he could train my kids. He could but he said I don't have the key to the building, I had the key.. Normally he trains his kids at 6 o' clock, after me. So I told him I would leave school at half past 6 so I would be round 6 at the building, with the key. I was there a bit more early and gave him the key, then I took the metro home because I had my babysit evening again. haha That was funny too. Because Clarence, the father opened the door and Naomi, the kid came to me and she wrepped her arms around my leggs. So I said what's wrong? Nothing, she just missed you! haha so cute!

A day off.

Today I woke up at 11 and put my lovely macbook on, so I could stay in bed. I had put on facebook I wanted to shoot with my analoge camera. And Laurens had put a response to that text. He wanted to join me. So we did, we went to Hitland and made some pictures there, haha there where sheeps and we wanted to make pictures of them. But my analoge camera had no zoom lens. So we sneaked closer, until they saw us and ran away hahaha. There tails where so funny from behind haha. I have a picture of it, I hope. Tomorrow I will develop my pictures in the doca! So exiting! So tomorrow you'll hear more of it.
Tonight we'll have a ladiesnight at Joelle's home! Finally a night of rest and fun!
Oh and a few days ago I made pictures of myself, I'll show them..

Today was fun.

Yesterday I had some problems with a school project, but I found a picture and used it. And the reactions where great! We talked about pretty and ugly pictures. And we had to explain why we thought it was ugly or pretty. Some where obvious and others where explainable.
Yesterday I also watched the movie, into the wild. Don't know what it is with me and true story movies. It always get's me, I see them and it makes me think about my own life. Is the life I'm living now, the life I want to live for the rest of my life? The movie was about a boy who graduated and ran away from home, seeking for his own freedom and truths. He burned al his money and went his own way. He met other people, lurned from them. But most of all, he did what he wanted to do. Living in the desert, hunting to get food. Enjoy the beauty of nature. And live of it and in it. The buttomline of the movie was, to love what you posses in life. Even if it's common in your life. I really try to live that way, to love every thing what happens. To enjoy what you already have, and to live like you want to live. Maybe sometimes I do that to much, by not doing homework because I want to spend time with my friends. But now I have passed my exam I can say, I 'm glad I did spend that time with them. Because that's what I love to do. Ofcourse you sometimes have to do things you don't like. But I'll remember the good. And maybe one day, I will make my own into the wild trip. To really seek for my own truth.
When I saw this movie, I pictured myself with a into the wild person, on a trip around the world. Living like he did. And me making pictures of everything he does, to really get the feeling in a picture. Maybe it's just a silly dream of me, but I really like to do that someday.

Being the adult.

Today was kind of awesome! We had to draw today, and the teacher said I was very good. She even send classmates to look at my work. haha. So if photography won't work, I can do something with drawing.. Then we had a lesson about different camera lenses, so we could see how it changes the image. Very cool, but when you do it, it's obvious. And now you know what really happens. Then I went home, but because I was lazy last weekend, and had other plans. I had to deliver my leaflets today. After school and before my training. It's not much work but I never want to do it. But hey, money..! Then I went to my kids, this time there where 8! And it was fun, afterwards they asked me how old I was, they thought 20.. When the games start.. And more. Well it's so nice to see how they play, how they enjoy playing the game. They all want to learn it and do there best to get better. So for me it's fun to be the coach. I hope I can put a picture of my team on this blog someday! hihi then you'll see my kids!
And about my macbook, ofcourse I'm on it now, and I really love it. My own little privacy place, my own computer and no waiting time to get on msn or facebook.. haha